(incomplete) tag/sierra

SYNOPSIS: Tag confronts Sierra
DATE: 09 May 2008
LOCATION: Sierra’s Dorm Room
RATING: PG
STATUS: Incomplete
NOTES: Tag returns from a week long retreat with Jack and decides to confront Sierra about the truth.
OPEN TO: Sierra

The brisk wind rustled the leaves of the massive oak tree, a possible foreboding of the disturbance to come. Five days had passed since Tag had learned the truth about his girlfriend, the unsettling knowledge that she was a descendant of a rival coven his ancestors had believed to be terminated long ago. Five excruciatingly long days had passed as he feebly attempted to sort through his feelings, teetering back and forth between betrayal and the urge to give her the benefit of the doubt. His best friend had accompanied him on his impromptu holiday, the reliable sidekick to his crestfallen hero. He trusted no one more than Jack to go along with his plan to disappear while he sorted through the muddle in his mind; no one else could even possibly begin to understand the wave of emotion in which he drowned. The majority of the week had been spent in complete silence, nothing but the sound of the wind shifting through the trees as though they were whispering the answers to him. Tag had always felt at peace with nature, completely comfortable in the middle of the woods with nothing more than instinct to guide him. While most other people ignored the subtle signals, he simply awaited the direction in which Mother Nature would lead him. She beckoned; he would certainly follow.

In the silent solitude of his mind, Tag cursed his ancestors before him. If only they had been more thorough, perhaps he would not find himself entangled in such a quandary. If only they had settled their differences with this rival coven, maybe the revelation would not have shaken the very foundation of his world. Knowledge equated to power; yet he felt as though he had lost all sense of control the day Jack had broken the news to him. Everything he had allowed himself to believe about Sierra shattered, falling to the ground in a million tiny shards. He feared that picking up the pieces would only prove more detrimental to himself, taking the risk of cutting himself even deeper than the truth already had. He had no reason to question the relationship that transpired between the two of them, enjoying it for all that it was worth. In fact, he savored every treasured moment he had spent with her. Over the course of five short months, they amassed a lifetime of memories – memories he believed would carry them through the rest of their lives. However, he did not know what to believe anymore. If she could betray him about her own heritage, how could he ever trust her again? Coincidence did not exist in his world; every cause had its effect. Even if her intentions regarding him had been pure, why had she not revealed her identity to him? He considered himself to be a rational person, and he liked to think that he would have been willing to look past whatever differences their covens had in the past.

Swallowing back the emotion that threatened to boil over, Tag reminded himself to rely on his instinct and his logic. There was no room for error when he confronted Sierra; he could not afford for his personal feelings to sway him. Emotion often allotted for weakness, and that was simply unacceptable in this circumstance. Taking the final steps up to her door, he garnered all the courage he could muster and banished any sense of compassion left within him. He would allow her one opportunity to explain herself, one chance to right her wrongs. But if he at all felt as though she was insincere, he would not hesitate to extract himself from the situation entirely. It pained him to even consider walking out of her life forever, but he was bound by a history that still haunted and dictated the future. He stood outside of her dormitory door, hand raised as he rapped his knuckles against the painted wood. Keen ears listened as she fumbled around the room to fling the door open. His steely gaze locked with her softer one, lips pressed together in a thin line. Neither made any move to greet the other, engaged in a silent stare that held them both captive. Finally clearing his throat, he arched a brow in her direction before utterly the four words any person – mortal or otherwise – hated to hear. “We need to talk.”

If not for nothing, Sierra spent the greater part of five days trying to sort through her own thoughts. For she had issues; things to deal with that none of them knew of. Even without being in her own current situation - minus the magically issue at hand - her world most certainly would have been shook up. She fought with herself everyday about not telling Tag about who she really was. He was so good at taking her mind off of anything, that she never struggled with it too much. It was definitely something that sat at the back of her mind. She'd already gotten chewed out by her mother for dating him, but telling him who she was? It was simply out of the question. Telling him her secret didn't only out her, it outed her entire Coven - and that was exactly what being in this Coven was about. It was a Covenant of silence. And not for nothing, hers had been believed to end during the Witch Trials. They had more at stake then the guys did.

That didn't change the fact that she'd obviously hurt him. To be quite honest, she didn't know what to expect from him. The two rarely fought in general, and this was much bigger than a typical fight. When Ava had told her that him and Jack had left for a while, she had took off herself - not in the same sense as them, but she wanted to be alone. She had been alone then, for the most part. Sierra's world had crumbled with each passing day she hadn't heard from him. In five months, he'd been the center of her world. To be left, cold turkey, shook her hard. Simply missing him, was an understatement. She wanted nothing more but to make everything right between them, but she didn't know that she could. It killed her. More often than not, Sierra would look in the mirror to find tears falling from her eyes. An unfamiliar feeling for her. For the first time, she hated her powers. Hated the fact that she had them, and hated being in her Covenant.

It was something she'd never actually voice, but it had proved to be more of a hassle to her than a blessing. Sniffling, she'd made her way around her dorm room collecting a few things. It wasn't that she was mad at Ava by any means. This wasn't her fault, because she wanted them to find out about them. Just not the way that he did. However, she didn't want to stay in the dorm. Perhaps it was a mixture of too many memories and the fact that there was no way she'd let anyone see her cry. The knock at the door startled her. Having been consumed in her thoughts, the knock surprised her. Ava wasn't there, and none of the other girls ever knocked. Part of her knew who it was. Her hand dropped to her stomach, before leaving the bag of stuff off to the side of her bed before making her way over to the door. Opening it, she stood, taking a deep breath. Staring at him, she braced herself both mentally and physically, not knowing what his intentions were. Until he voiced them. Just standing there watching him was killing her; he was so close to reach out and touch yet so far away. Taking a step back, she allowed him entrance by opening the door wider. They needed to talk about more things than he realized.

Their relationship had been a bit of a modern day fairy tale, if one included a constant stream of sexual escapades and stinging sarcasm. Yet somehow, it seemed to work wonders for the couple. Over the course of their five month long relationship, they had not buckled to the pressures of expectations. Tag had never expected Sierra to divulge her deepest, darkest secrets to him. If that had been a requirement, then he surely would have failed in that department as well. He knew that the tables could be turned, the spotlight on him as she questioned why he had never been truthful about his own heritage. The simple truth could be found in the torch that still burned brightly for her. Never would he have ever endangered her, and somehow the knowledge that he possessed powers that mere mortals could only dream about placed her in a perilous position. He cared far too much to risk losing her. He had played Devil’s Advocate to himself, wondering how his situation differed from hers. If she had approached him with the truth at the beginning, would that have changed anything? Yes. He could not say if he would have even given himself the opportunity to be with her, considering the fact that she was a member of a rival coven, but he knew that he would have never questioned her intentions.

His anger had since subsided, replaced by the eerie calm that settled before the storm. Tag prayed to the powers that were that no storm erupted; he did not know if he had the strength to weather it at this point. All emotion had drained from his body, filled by the desperate need to hear her out. She deserved that much at the very least. He entered the room, careful not to brush against her as he passed. The last thing that he needed at the moment was to feel the smoothness of her skin against his own, lighting every inch of his being aflame. Rotating his shoulders, Tag glided past the girl he had once considered his girlfriend. He no longer knew where they stood in the grand scheme of things, but he did not feel comfortable referring to her as his girlfriend. Not now; not until he pieced together all the pieces of the puzzle. He shoved his hands into his pockets, a subconscious effort to avoid throttling her in the sanctity of her room. With no desire to touch a bed that held so many memories for them, he planted himself against the wall with his head rolling back to rest against it as he stared at the ceiling. Perhaps it would have been easier to discuss this over the telephone, but Tag knew damn well that it would not be nearly as effective. Again, Sierra deserved better than that. Just because she had withheld the truth from him did not automatically rescind her right to the same respect he had given her through their relationship – the same respect that she had lacked for him. Sighing, he waited in silence for a few moments to give her the opportunity to speak up first.

When the blonde made no effort to reconcile their difference, Tag knew that it would be up to him to facilitate the discussion. “I know your secret. I know that you know I know.” His voice remained level as he continued to avoid eye contact with her. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked, fighting the deluge of questions that threatened to flood past his lips at any given moment. He did not want to spew off all the reasons she had been wrong, all of the mistakes she had made when she chose to withhold that information from him. He did not want to immediate launch into the offensive, blaming her for everything that had transpired in the last week. No, she was not wholly to blame. A part of him wanted her to express her apologies, to tell him that she had done what she needed to do to protect him and make their relationship work. A part of him wanted the reassurance that his instincts had not been so far off base in regards to her. He hated all the uncertainty that filled his mind. How could the one thing he had been so sure of cause so much doubt? Nothing made sense to him anymore, as though he had been thrown off balance and could no longer steady himself. He garnered every ounce of courage within him, dropping his head to meet her gaze. “Why couldn’t you have just been honest with me, Sierra?”

She'd answer any question she threw at him, but that didn't mean he was going to like the answer. The truth was, she fucked up, and that was the bottom line. She wasn't going to spend this conversation trying to convince him somehow that she was the victim. She wanted more than anything to salvage what relationship they had left. If any. And although she probably wouldn't admit it, she needed him more than ever right now. If not just for the simple fact that her feelings for him was strong, but for other more important reasons. Reasons that she better bring up sooner rather than later. She had told herself she would tell him first thing when she saw him, before she hid anything more from him, but he deserved his questions answered to the best of her ability. Which, was why she had remained mute until directly asked something.

"I wanted to." She said, very softly. Her hoarse-like voice betraying her. She had been a mess the past five days. Missing him, her head in a toilet, crying. Sierra didn't cry, she had always been so well composed - rarely being given a reason to cry. She had never allowed herself to fall for anyone the way she had fallen for Tag. She cleared her throat, walking her way over to sit down on her bed. Their powers drained as well when they were hurting and/or crying - any outburst of extreme emotions. She had been being drained for what seemed like days. Not as much as an outburst of anger - that was always so much more extreme. As she slumped onto the bed, knowing damn well this was going to take much out of her, her eyes lifted to look at his. Through everything, she tried to put up a strong face. She didn't want him to take pity of her because of the way she looked - another reason why she wouldn't flat out tell him about the baby.

"I'm sorry, Tag." She looked absolutely defeated. "She wouldn't let me tell you. My mother. And besides if I had told you about me, I would have given away the whole Covenant." She raised a hand to run against her forehead, her eyes still static on him. "I'm not trying to make excuses, I fucked up, ok?" Her voice broke at that, and for a moment she mentally refused to talk - glancing away. Part of her wanted to tell him things like, he was the reason her and her mother fought like crazy, but somehow she didn't think it would help the situation. She just wanted him to forgive her at this point, tell her that he didn't hate her. There were going to be repercussions no matter what, but at the very least she hoped he understood on some level. At least enough so that she could tell him about the baby. It wasn't like she had been trying to hide it - most certainly not the way she had hid her heritage. However, she was waiting for the best time to tell him. Then this had happened. Maybe there wasn't a good time. "I..." This time her hands came up to wipe at any tears that threatened to fall. "I have to tell you something else."

“But you didn’t,” Tag retorted, spitting the words out like venom. He slowly exhaled the breath he had not been aware that he had been holding, his hopes deflating as well. Latent anger boiled to the surface once more. “I spent the past week wondering what your intentions were. I replayed every single moment over and over again in my mind, trying to decipher even the most trivial details. I considered the possibility that this whole thing has been nothing but a sham.” The words poured past his lips like a dam bursting open. Once the floodgates had opened, there was no way he could possibly prevent the deluge that threatened to drown them both. “I cared, Sierra. I found a reason to believe in something that only existed in fairy tales before now. I didn’t just take. I gave. I fucking gave you everything that I had, everything that I had been holding back. I loved you.” He paused when the reality off his words struck him. It was too late to turn back now; he had passed the point of no return. Now he just needed to finish what he had started. “Fuck. I still do.”

He pressed the heels of his hands into his temples, as though it would prevent his head from exploding. “I understand,” he sighed, finally realizing that he could not place all the blame on her. “I know what it means to have to hide who you really are. I know what how it feels to not be able to tell someone a truth that can change everything. Trust me. I definitely fucking know.” Tag pushed himself off the wall, walking over and perching himself on the edge of her bed. He ached to touch her, to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be fine; more than anything, he wanted to tell her that they could work through this. But the fact was that he did not know if they could. “I believe you. I really do. But I don’t know if I can trust you.” The moment that he spoke the words, he felt as though a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. At the same time, he desperately wished he could take it back. He wanted to trust her; he wanted to believe that everything that transpired between them had stemmed from genuine emotion as opposed to deception.

They sat next to each other for several moments of silent, close enough to touch but still miles apart. When she finally spoke, Tag bristled at her words. What more could there possibly be? He had certainly waded into uncharted territory, and he could only hope he had the strength and wit to find his way out of whatever she happened to throw at him next. “What is it?” Maybe this was the part where she laid it all out on the table, the part where she confessed all her secrets. Maybe this was the part where she revealed her intentions, the part that would force him to choose his path. The entire universe seemed to stop dead in its tracks, tilted on its axis as it anxiously awaited its fate. This was the moment where it would completely topple over or regain its balance. This was the moment where they would either sink or swim. It was now or never. “Tell me, Sierra,” he spoke firmly without being confrontational. “Please.”

Every word he spoke jabbed harder at her heart. Her emotions were beginning to betray her, faltering as each moment ticked passed. This, by far, had been the most emotional thing Sierra had ever encountered in her life and it was something she clearly didn't know how to control well. The tears wouldn't fall, she held them back - letting them build up so that she could get through the conversation. The tears wasn't the problem at hand, it was the feeling of defeat that beat hard on her heart. The fear of losing him. A fear she hadn't felt until it had been too late to rectify. What was left for her to say to him, anyway? She'd already admitted to being wrong; apologized. She didn't know what else she could say to potentially fix this; if she even could. And her other secret she feared would only make it worse. But in the long run - when he found out later it would have only been worse.

Aside from being completely silent just due to the simple fact that she had nothing left to say, his words had left her even more speechless. She never thought in a million years he'd tell her he loved her. Or, let it slip out even. There was obviously a lot more to their relationship than just sex; both of them felt it. Even though everyone on the outside probably didn't realize it. When he admitted to loving her part of her suddenly felt that for sure, they could definitely work through this. Though as quickly as she had felt assured, it had melted away when he told her he didn't know if he could trust her. Her head tilted down to stare at her lap, while her hands came to press to her forehead. And she still remained silent. But now, he had fallen silent as well, awaiting to hear what else it was she needed to tell him.

She didn't know if she could now, because she felt as if there was so much more at stake. At the same time, being pregnant wasn't something she could hide like her powers were. Though, right now it was a good thing he already knew about them because her grip on them was beginning to slip. Her hands pressed harder to her forehead as a few things on the desk flew against the wall. She immediately stood to her feet, the tears pouring down her cheeks as she turned to face him - all while trying to take deep breaths. She didn't like the feeling of not being in control - and right now she wasn't in control of anything. Or her relationship with him, of her powers. Everything was out of her control. "I'm pregnant."